The Healing Power of Trust

The Healing Power of Trust

​I heard a parenting talk about the importance of trusting our children by a Rav who counsels struggling parents and teens.

The main take away for me was that no matter what your child is doing or not doing, he should know that you trust him.

But how is that possible if our children are making poor choices?

We tend to get caught up in the gritty details about the poor daily choices that our children may be making (according to us of course) and then get lost in focusing on the outcome (usually their behavior). We might win the battle by controlling their choices and behaviors, but we are losing the war of creating healthy independent children.

And the war is not me against my child. We are on the same team. The only way to instill a belief within them that we are on the same team is by trusting in them, believing in them.

Because when we don’t, they feel it. Chances are they then get a lot of thinking about how we don’t trust them which plummets them into insecurity, and then we wonder why our children make poor choices.

The only way to trust no matter what is to know the truth. That flowing through every human being is a life force, a guidance system, a voice of reason, a voice of the soul, which lies deeper than all of our mindless chatter.

When we focus on THAT, it shines forth. When we see THAT in our children, they flourish.

So when we get lost in thoughts such as “how could I trust him? He takes the car without permission, she makes bad choices, I hate the way he dresses, just look at her friends.” Check the feeling state. That feeling state may just be a call to prayer.

A space where I step out of the little picture and call out to G-d. Where I give myself space to let my own guidance system take over. Where I let my mind settle and wait to see if something else shows up.

The feeling of trust in an internal job. It’s not about what my kids do or don’t do. They don’t need to deserve my trust. My trusting in them has nothing to do with what they do (although that may seem like a foreign idea to you, I just ask you to consider it)

My trusting in them provides a space of healing with in me. And since we are all connected, it will in turn provide a space of healing for them.

The feeling of trust is beyond words, but it surfaces when we let go of all the other beliefs we tend to hold onto that make us “right”. Being right wins battles. Trust wins wars.

Ride The Wave

By Aviva Barnett, MSW

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with peace of mind.

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