Does Guilt Help You Change?

We all want to change before Yom Kippur, but does feeling guilty really help? While healthy guilt can motivate us to clean up our mistakes by taking responsibility for our actions, unhealthy guilt can be paralyzing because of our identification with the mistake and believing there is something wrong with us. If I believe I am a mistake, I am...[ read more ]

Your True Value

It has been a really long time since I felt inspired to write anything. Corona has rocked me and my family in many painful ways, and yet, the healing has been deeper than ever. Not because my family spent so much healing and bonding time together. (I'm envious and sometimes pained when I hear of those families that really used...[ read more ]

Shame Intolerance

We have all heard the expression lactose intolerance. The definition is the inability to digest lactose, a component of milk and other dairy products, due to the lack of an enzyme called lactase found in the small intestines. Common symptoms and side effects are diarrhea, bloating and abdominal cramps. About 65% of people are lactose intolerant. Have you ever heard...[ read more ]

Avoiding the 4 C’s can Transform all Relationships

Here are four typical scenarios that were replaying in my house. 1. My husband is checking his email and/or looking at his phone and I say "What are you still doing?" (Instead of saying I'd love you to be spending time with me now.) 2. My husband is telling a story about how we met and I say, "It didn't...[ read more ]

Vulnerability Gets a Bad Rap

I have seen that on the road to intimacy, I have to pass through the town of vulnerability. Yet, how often do I want to reroute myself to find another path, a more comfortable path, a safer path? Or said another way, a path that I believe I have more control over. By definition, vulnerability has an element that you...[ read more ]

Recovering Control Addict

Based on the response I got to my last post about being a control freak, it feels good to know I'm not alone. Although my take on addiction is probably different than most, the image I have conjured up in my mind as I wake up to my controlling habit and catch myself in the act of saying something that...[ read more ]

Beyond Being a Control Freak

I read a book by Laura Doyle called The Empowered Wife. Besides finding it transformational for my marriage, it was eye opening for me to see what a control freak I can be. Now the good news is that I know I am not my behavior, I know I'm not locked into "this is my personality," and I'm seeing how...[ read more ]

A Paradigm Shift

The following is a talk I gave for a series called Doing Discomfort With Dignity:  Overcoming Stress and Anxiety I’ll just tell you a little bit about myself.  Up until 12 years ago, I had no idea that I was creating my own unhappiness. In my late teens and early 20’s I struggled with an eating disorder which basically means...[ read more ]

Doing Discomfort with Dignity

It seems we are all on a quest…to feel better, myself included! How much energy, time and space in our minds would we save if we weren’t on this constant quest? Innocently, within our desire to feel better we are actually creating our own discomfort. What do I mean? By definition, wanting to feel better means I am not OK...[ read more ]

Enhance Your Seminary Experience

I was speaking to a girl in seminary now and she was describing how much harder the transition was for her than she ever expected. Feelings of overwhelm, loneliness, insecurity, self-consciousness, FOMO of other friends having a better time than her, thoughts of I'm not normal, everyone else is adjusting better than me, it's hard to make new friends, and...[ read more ]

Ride The Wave

By Aviva Barnett, MSW

Discover the secret to living
with peace of mind.

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