My Way or the Highway
I find it amazing how sometimes just a small shift in perspective can change up the experience I am having.
When the house is a mess, it’s too much money to spend, I really need a break, your not meeting my needs or your parenting style is too harsh….and I feel upset, frustrated, insecure or angry, where are those feelings coming from?
In those moments it really looks like it’s coming from the house, the bank account, my husband or life. But is it possible that it may be coming from an invisible voice running in the background having a tantrum that “I’m not getting my way?”
Now I probably wouldn’t say that off the bat. It sounds too childish. Me? Have a tantrum? Never.
But if I believe that something should be a certain way (i.e.: my way) and it’s not going that way, I get to live in the feeling that kind of thinking brings with it.
What if all those things were preferences rather than needs or truths? Can I handle not getting my preferences met? Most of us can.
Just the idea of preferring my house to be neat rather than “it’s a problem when it’s a mess” feels lighter. “I’d prefer a break if I could get one” has a softer feeling than I need a break. I prefer a more gentle, compassionate parenting style doesn’t necessarily make yours wrong.
It’s interesting how thought shifts in intensity as it flows through me. Playing around with preferences has weakened the intensity of “my way or the highway” and has left room for the possibility of seeing that my way is not the only way or even the right way, just the way I prefer.
