Living Outside the Box

Recently, a client asked me a question while we were exploring her perception of what being a good wife and mother meant to her. During this time, she concluded, “So, are you suggesting that I live outside the box? To let go of preconceived notions and expectations that I might have about what being a good wife and mother are? To not care about what others think at all?”

I responded by saying, “What if there is no box?” Now I get that may sound very philosophical, but if you pause and reflect on it for a moment, not only is it profound, but it’s relieving as well. How often do you live in a restricted way because of who you think you are supposed to be or what you believe you are supposed to be doing?

What if the box is a figment of your imagination rather than a reality or society or what your family does? Is it possible that the box is and can only ever be, made up of thought in the moment? Boxes like I’m supposed to be married by…, I’m supposed to have this many children, I’m supposed to make this much money to be happy, I’m supposed to never yell, get impatient or lose it, I’m supposed to always give in and do chessed, etc.

Imagine the freedom available if you insightfully saw the truth about the boxes you live in (your own thoughts, beliefs, opinions, visible and invisible, about life, fairness, reality, expectations, who you are and how you are doing in life). Consider that the box is an illusion, only a thought-created reality that has no legs except for your belief in it.

The implication is that all of the thinking you have about fitting IN to the box or living OUTSIDE the box would fall away if you saw that there is no box, but for your thinking that there is one.  Judgment, expectations and self-conscious thinking about how you are doing in relation to the box disappears if there is no box.  It’s not something you have to “work” to stop doing. It just wouldn’t make sense to keep thinking about how to relate to a box that doesn’t exist.

What apparent box might be keeping you small and imprisoned unnecessarily? I’d love to hear about it and see where your misunderstanding may be getting in the way of your freedom.